I dressed as...
THE PATRIOT ACT!
Taking that important illegal wiretap call!
The book is just some research I'm doing for my cousin, H.R. 6166.
You know, the "Torture Bill." Those liberals and their crazy nicknames!
Oh, and the cash in my pocket is from a money laundering scheme I broke up. It's not a bribe. It doesn't belong to me. Be quiet.
Must dash, children. No worries, though, I'll be watching.