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Touch me. Touch me like you didn't touch me last night. - The Truth: Sexuality
September 23rd, 2009
12:27 pm

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The Truth: Sexuality
Everybody has it, my friends, and WE want to hear about YOURS.
Yep, it's time for another installment of The Truth.

Previous installments include: The Crush Entry.
Also: The Parallel You Entry.
Also: The Memory You'll Never Lose Entry.
Also: The Fetish / Kink Entry.
Also: The Drug Entry

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I want to hear about you.

How do you identify?

Gay? Straight? Bi? Queer? Undecided? Chubby-chaser? Ass-man? Size queen? Latino-lover? Bear? Furry? (see what I did there?)

Are you a guy who only bangs girls or are you a guy who only bangs girls but occasionally gets an inexplicable desire to suck a dick?

Are you a woman who desperately wishes she liked other women sexually?

Are you a closeted gay man or a “college bisexual” woman?

Do you swing? Are you polyamorous? Polygamous? Monogamous? Omnigamous?

Do you have sexual feelings that you don’t voice, are scared to voice, would never voice?

Would you rather have oral than penetrative sex? Vice versa?

Are you trapped in something—a body, a relationship, a category—that offends you or holds you back?

Do you need to have something in particular happen or be present to really get to it?
What is sex to you, what is your sexuality to you?

What is sex to you, what is your sexuality to you?

I’ve always been fascinated with concepts of sexuality and the vast expanse of sexual desires and wants and needs, so lay yours out on the table, so to speak. All of it.


Me?

I'm queer.

I'm equally attracted to males and females and every notch in-between.

As some of you know, I despise looking in mirrors. I don’t like the way I look and I don’t ever look like what I look like in my head. It’s clear from my reflection that I’m male—facial structure, beard, et cetera—but I have a hard time thinking of myself as a “guy.” It’s insanely difficult to explain. I just feel like a person, you know? That my sexual organs include a penis sometimes feels secondary. I look at people as people. There's just some shit that I'll never be able to explain, even to myself.

I don’t have any particular body part—i.e. breasts, arms, ass—that I focus on when I look at people in a sexual way.
I like to think that there isn’t anything physical that automatically turns me off from people, but who knows?
I really like when girls dress like boys.
I really like when boys dress like girls.
Smiles turn me on.
Amateur porn does it for me about ten times more than the professional stuff.
Fake breasts usually scare me.
I don't care if you shave everything or nothing, but the latter is less-preferred.
Posthuman/cybernetic things are attractive to me.
I wish I looked good in drag. I recently discovered that I can pull some off, and it felt fantastic.
God DAMN I enjoy performing oral sex.
Some days I swish, some days I swagger.

There’s something about tight, non-meatmarket clothes, and any clothes that make you look happy and comfortable.
You are always sexier to me if you feel like you’re sexy, but don’t mistake arrogance and ego for confidence and that indefinable spark.

I’m always up for trying something new.

I think you're pretty.


If you have questions, ask away; I'll answer nearly everything.

So there you have some-but-not-all about me…

…what about YOU?

IP logging is off, anonymous commenting is enabled.

Insults, et al, will be deleted.

Tell your friends to come by and comment. Return to this entry every so often to read and comment on what others have to say.

Talk to us…

b

Current Music: "Ziggy's Lullabye (David Bowie vs Shawn Mullins vs The Beatles)" - dj BC
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[User Picture]
From:radiumhead
Date:September 23rd, 2009 05:56 pm (UTC)
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I just want a redhead who will dress like Batgirl.
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
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I dare you to find somebody who doesn't.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
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I am straight, but attracted to females as well.

As far as sexuality goes, I have a need for a guy who will take charge and tell me what I need, because I often falter with what I want myself.

I have a hard time with men, because I get weird and often think or say something that wasn't intended and am left cold. Or I am the one night fun time play thing and nothing comes of it, even though I wanted it to. I am uneasy and uncertain.

I have a pretty face, but I don't like my body. I tend to tense up in sexual situations, because I'm focused on my flaws and not the experience.

For as attractive as people say I am, I get little to no play at all. The amount of non-sexy times I have, really really really out weighs the sexy time I have gotten.
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)
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I'm always terribly fascinated by the straight women attracted to women. It's so interesting that somebody who only wants men somehow stops just short of wanting women.

Is there something about yourself that you think makes you so uneasy and uncertain around men? Do you feel the same around women?

Do you think that there's a way you can come to terms with your body and appreciate what it is?
Weird. - (Anonymous) - Expand
[User Picture]
From:blackcat2086
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:11 pm (UTC)
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I find sex and sexuality fascinating.

Personally, I could do without it. It's one of those things that's just another can of worms with me.
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)
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Care to elaborate?
[User Picture]
From:kapnkaty
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)
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I identify as a lesbian in that I'm attracted to women.

That being said, I definitely appreciate the scenery at times. I have a weakness for a Scottish accent and a kilt and tend to pursue heterosexual porn when I bother to search it out at all. (I'm pretty sure this is just because most "lesbian" porn is just a lot of oral which gets redundant.)

But I have a lot of problems with it in that about 90% of the gay women I know are, well, I hesitate to say they aren't like me, but they really aren't. They're the type of people who say I'm a "bad gay" if I happen to have missed out on seeing "The Itty Bitty Titty Brigade" or if I don't listen to Tegan and Sara. It puts me in a lot of turmoil as to how I feel because if I don't fit in with ANY of the lesbians I know, maybe they're right, maybe I am a "bad gay".

Then I remember that the lesbians I know are Rugby girls and they, aside from being total flakes at best, get hit in the head a lot.

Not to mention, they base a huge amount of who they are on the fact that they call themselves gay. It's a significant defining feature of who they are. My sexuality isn't a central part of my identity. It's part of me, like my hair color (maybe not my hair color, god knows that's been changing since 13) or my genetics. Yes. I am a 23 year old college student, I want to brew beer, roast coffee, write books, get a masters in Archiving, I'm gay, have never seen The Godfather and I can crochet.

But I don't date. Ever. I don't know if I'm not interested in dating or if I just don't know how, but I've been on barely a handful of dates in my life, been in only one relationship (which, as Dane Cook might call it, was more of a relationshit than anything else) and haven't ever felt all that much like what I was doing was really worth it (which I blame on my ex because a) I honestly feel like it's her fault and that she was never interested in anything more than building her "I'm a confused teenager" lesbian street cred and b) I hold grudges but good).

I think having a penis would be awesome in bed. I'd be all "Oh, penis!" and then I'd do stuff with it. I guess that's the nice thing about being a girl. I can buy one and keep it in a drawer until I feel like whipping it out and slapping someone in the face with it (It turns out
people don't really appreciate that when they're reading. Who'da thought?).

I think I'm too self-conscious to receive oral sex.
[User Picture]
From:iamangelachase
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC)
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I also don't date ever. I would never go out with someone I don't know--you could call it trust issues--and usually by the time I get to know someone well enough to go out with them, I'm not interested in them in that way.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Expand
From:(Anonymous)
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)
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I am a straight woman who is attracted to other women, but has no desire to get jiggy with them. I just like pretty girls, and boobs. Boobs are awesome. But I only have sex with men.

Well, I haven't had sex in over 8 years. It was on purpose, at first, after a string of bad relationships, I wanted to take time to get to know myself, blah blah blah. But then I gained a whole bunch of weight, and am terribly unhappy with my body, I think I'm disgusting, and can not imagine letting someone else see me naked or touch me. I am saddened by this, however.

But I like big guys. Big teddy bear of men. I don't like terribly buff guys. I don't like skinny guys. And I try not to think of myself as a size queen, I've had far too much sex with men with small penises that I've learned that I am a bit of a size queen. Yes, I admit it (anonymously).

[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC)
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So many women who love looking at other women, and maybe want to touch a bit, but nothing else. So fascinating.

Do you think there are ways to approach your weight that would allow you to be a little less self-conscious, or to seek out people who would appreciate it?

Heh. Ain't nothing wrong with being a size queen. Indeed, I know at least one person whose a size queen in the opposite direction...
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[User Picture]
From:pixink
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:20 pm (UTC)
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You didn't address monogamy, and I've always wondered if you and Sara are poly, but was afraid to ask.

I like girls.
I like boys more.
I like transfolk about as much as I like boys.
I like to be tied up.
I loooove blue eyes.
And well-fitting jeans.
And a nice rack.
And I'm monogamous.
Mostly. You know. When in love.
However! I have been in love with more than one person at a time.
It just didn't work out well.
And who has the time.
Not me.
And? My junk's name is Georgia.
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)
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NEVER be afraid to ask me something, but know that I won't always give an answer. In this case, I'll neither confirm nor deny monogamy, as I try to keep things about my sex life that directly involve Sara out of my LJ. :)

Being tied up makes me uncomfortable: part Tourette's, part just not liking it.

Everybody's been in love with more than one person at a time, it's just rare that people admit it. Everybody seems to think that there's a finite amount of love in the human heart and that when you give to one person, that love reduces the amount you can give to another.
[User Picture]
From:xbad_candy
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:21 pm (UTC)
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Personally I've always been very open with sex. My parents never hid it from me so I never had a problem with it. I consider myself bisexual. I've only had sex with one person, my boyfriend, but I've kissed girls too. I'm attracted to both sexes equally.

I've never felt sexy though, I was an overweight teen, tipping the scales at 230lbs at a tiny 5'2". I dressed in a mens 42 size jeans, huge t-shirts, and hoodies. I was considered a guy. Now that I've lost weight and have a curvy figure, I'm still not used to the idea of people being attracted to me. The idea that someone would look at me and want to have sex with me is almost...comical. I'm now used to the idea of someone checking me out, but someone wanting to fuck me? HA! Does. Not. Compute.

Once I lose the rest of my weight and get rid of my arm flab, and get al ittle older, I'm sure I'll change my views of myself. But for now, I don't feel....sexy. I feel pretty, beautiful, all that.

Now, one subject that I hate is the taboo of sex in media. Sex is a natural part of life, and I hate when people call these 16 or 17 year olds who are starting to fool around with each other that they're wrong. It's only wrong because we've made laws that say it is. Back in the old days, and anatonmically speaking, women are ready to have babies the second they get their periods. Girls were married at 14, mothers shortly after. It's also putting you and the child at a higher risk every year you age.

If we didn't have sex, we wouldn't have people, so I think it's silly to freak out when kids are around even the most subtle forms of it. Obviously I don't think kids should be exposed to it fully, but don't HIDE it from them.

Okay, I'm rambling now. Stoppppinnggg. :P
[User Picture]
From:i_id
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:32 pm (UTC)
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You should read this, if you can stand to be furious.
[User Picture]
From:radiumhead
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:36 pm (UTC)
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I don't know. Maybe it's chemicals in the brain that determine it, or something else. I've always felt like 100% guy, and it's awesome. Never even felt a little like something else.

Pussy just works for me, that shits like crack.
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC)
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Ain't no need for apologies, yo. Hit it.
[User Picture]
From:artisticskin
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:36 pm (UTC)
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I'm a gay guy but I've always identified as a masculine male. I never felt that I fit in due to the stereotypes of gay men. I spent years trying to fit into that box, only to realize in the end FUCK IT, I am more comfortable being a guy who likes dick then a queen.

My sexuality has never really been a question for me. I came out at 15 in a small midwestern town, got beat up a lot. Came out of it a hell of a lot tougher and more sure of myself.

But on the flip side, being a big guy, and a control freak. I've always wanted to find someone who could take control in bed. Not really a B&D S&M thing, more like a release of responsibility. I've always been the agressive one, I just think it would be nice to give up control.

Wow that was personal, but it's good to get it out.
[User Picture]
From:kapnkaty
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:40 pm (UTC)

Nice icon!

(Link)
I think that it's a lot harder and, ultimately, a lot more rewarding to realize that you're not a stereotype. You don't fit in a box and you can't be folded.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Expand
[User Picture]
From:mildsevens
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC)
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I'm straight, but feel about as attached to my straightness as a paper bag...I am sexually attracted to males, but abhor being female...I wish I could wake up and be the tall, pale eyed male I was supposed to be. (Instead of just dating guys like that.) But here I am, stuck in a short little girl-body. Oh well.

Violence turns me on, whether it be toward men or women. Whether it is performed on me or I am performing it on others.
People who look like me interest me.
I'm currently attached to someone who makes sex enjoyable, but I dislike it as a whole.

The A-bomb going off in Hiroshima and Nagasaki titillates me.
The annihilation of mankind makes my heart skip a beat.



[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC)
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Do you feel "trapped" in a female body or is it just a curious urge? Have you examined the possibility of cross-dressing, et cetera, to see how you feel about it? Role-playing, perhaps?

It's good to hear from somebody who is okay with violence being a turn-on. While I'm not a violent person by any stretch and am not turned-on by violence, I bear no ill will to people who are, unless the person on the other side is consenting.

Apocalypse fetish? Fascinating...
From:(Anonymous)
Date:September 23rd, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC)

Oh, what fun!

(Link)
I'm a genderqueer queermo with ladyparts and a mohawk. I'm also a sex workers, circus performer, anarchist, artist, and S&M switch who gets off on hairpulling and topping boys till they scream.

Sexually? I'm anti-monogamous and fiercely independent. I can't deal with poly relationships or non-ironic dating. I'm a traveler, I've been on tour with different performance troupes, and I've fallen in love across the country. I don't see a good reason to end relationships just because we don't live closer than 3,000 miles. I have fuckbuddies, boys, girls, serious lovers, the occasional married couple I sleep with, a boyfriend, and even a sexy ex-marine roller derby girl I'm dating in the town where I'm finishing up my undergrad degree.

Sometimes my heart gets to missing the more serious relationships I've fallen into. If someone comes along who can fly me acrobatically, be supportive of my job as a stripper, march with me in the streets, conspire with me artistically, and equally take all control away from me in the bedroom and let me do the same? I'd consider settling down a little. But until then I'm hanging on to my independence and hedonism ;)
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)

Re: Oh, what fun!

(Link)
God DAMN what a life to live! And with such confidence!

Would that the whole world could be so free...
Re: Oh, what fun! - (Anonymous) - Expand
Re: Oh, what fun! - (Anonymous) - Expand
Re: Oh, what fun! - (Anonymous) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
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SHENANIGANS!
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:olivetree
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:20 pm (UTC)
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I like sexin' up boys, but quite like looking at pretty ladies (corsets are a bonus). I am a woman, and I love it. I can't imagine being anything else-- it defines me just as much as being short, Latina and chubby does.

I love fucking. Always have, and have never felt the need to apologize for it. Apparently, in high school, this made me a slut, but I still failed to care.

I'm open to trying new things (who else will monogamous sex stay interesting?), and can't (and won't) sleep with someone who is afraid to experiment (same deal with food, actually-- why go to a lovely Thai restaurant if you KNOW you're going to order the pad thai before you even get there?).

I totally have a type: thinish white guys with a nerdy bent. Luckily for me, Mart fits this to a T-- but he comes with the added flavors of handyman kilt-wearer archeologist, which is five kinds of delicious.

He is also OK with my nasty ideas, has never yet been freaked out (though uninterested, sometimes), and even outdoes me sometimes in coming up with new things.

I am absolutely repulsed by stupidity and closed-mindedness. An intelligent conversation is the best foreplay in the world (closely followed by epic cunniligus).

I believe every woman is responsible for her own orgasm. Yes, you are both (or three or four, whatevs) present to make each otehr feel good-- but if it's not working, you have to tell your partner why not and how to improve. Otherwise, you are complicit in the mediocrity.

Consuquently, I consider myself the Vibrator Fairy. If I find out a friend doesn't own at least one, I WILL take her shopping-- or if she won't go, I'll buy her one myself. No better way to find out what you like than trying it out with only yourself to blame/impress.
[User Picture]
From:blissitate
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:35 pm (UTC)
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You are awesome.
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From:wherever
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
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I find it amusing that the URL for this when I clicked on it ended in nc=17. Of course that will change as soon as I comment. If someone doesn't beat me to it.

I also find it hot that you're genderqueer/bi/whatever. It further intensifies my e-crush on you. ;)

Myself, I'm bi/pansexual, about 60% straight/40% gay. I'm also attracted to transsexuals - not all of them, just the ones that strike my fancy. I'm polyamorous, but not a swinger (I have found out through rigorous experimentation that casual sex does nothing for me.) I prefer more fleshy/bigger people - I like them to have meat on their bones - skinny gals and guys just don't yank my crank, though I try not to judge people on outward appearances. I prefer to be friends first and see how it goes - the best relationships turn out that way.

I'm kinky, mostly a submissive, though I do have a sadistic streak. I like weird toys like violet wands. I live to give blow jobs. Most of all I love it when people "give good face" - I love watching someone when they're in ecstasy, especially when I'm providing it. Faces are much more important to me than bodies, in the long run - a killer smile and pretty eyes will always make me weak. Expressiveness and intelligence and articulateness (is that a word) are huge-turn ons. Someone who can turn a good phrase gets me wet.

I agree that it's hot when guys dress like girls, or vice versa, that fake boobs are scary, and that amateur porn is way hotter, and that smiles are a turn on.
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 24th, 2009 07:34 am (UTC)
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I also find it hot that you're genderqueer/bi/whatever. It further intensifies my e-crush on you. ;)

Ain't you a sweetheart?

As with nearly everything else, I don't really have a body type that is THE ONE. I guess I'm too easily attracted to people to care? Mind you, I've currently got a little thing for short, blonde Polish girls. :)

Man, violet wands seem so sci-fi sex to me that it's not even funny. It's pretty much a turn on just thinking about them.

And I'm with you about the articulatenessosityism.
[User Picture]
From:lookforthewoman
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC)
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Straight girl, monogamous (but I could easily be polygamous), likes boys, but I definatly think girls are awesome to look at (but not in a sexual way, they just look good).

I spent a lot of time as an adolescent wishing I were a boy, but not because I wanted to date girls, more because I wanted to get away from/stop the attention I got from men/boys. I truly and honestly thought, for way too long, that any attention I got from boys/men was my "fault" and that I had "done" something to warrent the attention and that I therefore "owed" them something in return. (No one wants to hear the pretty girls complaining about getting "too much" attention from the boys, and so no one helps them either.)

It's totally awesome the number of people commenting who are all "Sex is ok, I guess... if I have to." (paraphrasing) Cuz really, sex is... ok, I guess, if I have to. I mean yeah, sure, orgasms are great and all, but really? All that fuss? Really? /shrug

I mainly wish that sex were taken out of personal relationships and relegated to something totally impersonal and not involving other people. I generally think humanity won't evolve if we're still all trying to fuck each other all the time or spending all our time and money and science on appearing more sexually appearing to each other, or trying to stop people from having sex with people or the "wrong" people or in the "wrong" way. The amount of time and money and effort we expend on all these sexual pursuits is enough to make me hate most of humanity. We still have hunger, and poverty, and war, and famine, and drought, but we have a pill that causes erections! Yay! We're so fucked.
[User Picture]
From:lookforthewoman
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:30 pm (UTC)
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Just a note: Polygamous as in "Big Love" - multiple wives. I so would not know what to do with two husbands! Ack! :)
[User Picture]
From:bomb_the_cherry
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:28 pm (UTC)
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I'm a straight girl, who is definitely attracted to other girls. I'd love to experience being with one.

There's nothing that particularly turns me off of anyone physically. Fat or thin, tall or short - none of that matters to me. If I'm attracted to someone it's because I'm attracted to the whole package.

I'd rather have penetrative sex than oral.

I can be dominant and submissive. Depending on the person I am with.

I don't think I'm attractive in the slightest, and I tend to just feel embarassed if people tell me that they think otherwise. Which means I never feel sexy, just awkward.

I wouldn't say that I have penis envy, but I'd like to use a strap-on on another woman. I find in porn the women using them always seem too scared to really use them. Not me.
[User Picture]
From:bomb_the_cherry
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:32 pm (UTC)
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And I feel terribly attracted to most of the other people who have responded.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)
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I'm bi, but toward the lesbian side of bisexual. I've had a lot more sex with women than with men, but I'm married to a man. I lost my virginity to my girlfriend at age 15.

No one but my husband and a very few select friends know I am bisexual, and none of them live near us. This is in part because of the bad experiences I had from people who knew I had a serious girlfriend in high school.

I broke up with my first girlfriend (the one referred to above) after I spent several weeks in a psychiatric hospital. To this day, I miss her and regret breaking up with her. In some ways, I am still in love with her, but it's a different love than that I have for my husband. I think I will always have some degree of this feeling for her, inasmuch as she was my first love.

I'm strictly monogamous now; I had a certain amount of casual sex in college with other women, but always was really stringent about using protection - I'm super, super paranoid about germs/diseases.

I definitely have sexual feelings that I am scared to voice/would rather never voice - hence, they're not appearing here.

I would rather have penetrative sex, especially when "penetrative" means "fingers."

As a Catholic, I feel deeply, deeply guilty about having sex with other women, and having sex before marriage. And using birth control, even though it's a medical necessity that I do.

My ideas about sex and sexuality are also (I suspect) deeply skewed by the fact that I was molested at age nine through ten. Not a good time to have that happen, not that there is a good time. I have a really hard time talking about it, particularly in any kind of specifics. But having that experience made me feel like I was ruined, and that no one would want me anyway, so what did it matter what I did to my body? Hence, self-injury, anorexia, suicide attempts, and sleeping around. So yeah, I guess the molestation kind of screwed me up.
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 24th, 2009 08:33 am (UTC)
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First, let me tell you how sorry I am to hear about your sexual abuse. I really hope you've gotten some help--not just talky-talky therapy--to get as much as possible behind you.

Remember, if you want to voice something, here's the place to get it off your chest. It's anonymous. Don't think I'm applying pressure, though.

Are you not in a place in your life where people would just fucking accept your sexuality as being complex, in regards to your bisexuality?

On a happier note, go fingers!
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From:the_tall_man
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:39 pm (UTC)
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The mirror and the tape recorder tell me no lies. Just this side of looking like a muppet, thin overall, but just starting to get a little potbelly. But that's okay; I've got a good voice, and if subjected to a "member satisfaction survey", my boy-bits are fine by me. I'm comfortable with all of that; it's real stuff.

I'm not entirely comfortable with much of the "you're a man, and therefore..." that I've heard. Much of it seems bizzarely pointless.

I've only shared bed time and sexual love with women so far, but male beauty isn't invisible to me, and some guys kiss very well.

I have the common urges - I want to screw everything I think is sexy, and settle down with someone, or more than one, that I trust utterly. These urges have played out in a few different ways in life.

For me, good sex isn't me telling you what to, with or without props. It's not you telling me what to do, either. It's when we both want to be in charge of giving each other what we both know the other one wants - it's the struggle that is the mirror opposite of a fight.

Shall we have categories? I'll be over in straight, vanilla, cisgendered man, with no more poly history than someone who cheats on their spouse, just a bit more honesty. The categories matter to me only as a way of highlighting people whose tastes in flesh (their own flesh or that of others) differ from my own.

Sometimes that helps - it certainly helps in finding out if I want to flirt, and in spotting wanna-be preaching busybodies that need be told to fuck off, and in checking my own behaviour for lingering stupid.

Sometimes it all seems too tidy, which doesn't reflect you, and it doesn't reflect me. Because, hey, we're all a mess, and we like it that way.
[User Picture]
From:benchilada
Date:September 24th, 2009 08:35 am (UTC)
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a) "Just this side of looking like a muppet" made me literally laugh out loud,

b) Hell yeah boy-bits confidence!

c) God damn you're sexily articulate about all of this,

d) "it's the struggle that is the mirror opposite of a fight." = Perfect
From:(Anonymous)
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:46 pm (UTC)
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I wasn't going to comment on this entry originally as I tend to consider myself a very private person- especially when it comes to the bedroom. But after reading some of your other readers comments, I found their honesty really refreshing and figured I'd quietly join in on the conversation. I am a married woman and also a new mother. I mention both of these things because they have both played a major role in the development of my sexuality.

Before I had my child, I didn't realize how strongly my sexuality was tied to my physical form. I've always been pretty healthy- never any problems with weight and to quote the old song "I enjoy being a girl"...I feel fortunate to say that I've never felt out of place in my body and as a kid, I remember being so psyched to mature-- I was a late bloomer so I had to wait a while:) I dated lots of guys- messed around with some women- Benchilada- I think you made a reply to one comment saying how you were fascinated with straight women who love women but always stop shy of sex...I can tell you what that is- we think women are attractive and sexy- but the thought of eating pussy- (sorry to be crass)- is repulsive. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself! Anyway- I loved having sex- loved being with men- loved fantasizing- and when I met my husband, that only continued. We had a blissful two years together- and then- we got pregnant.

Mind you- I wanted a baby more than anything- so I had no qualms about that! But being pregnant was not the glorious experience that the media portrays- it was awful. I wasn't sick- but all of my sexual desire went away for 9 months. I kept waiting to feel "sexy" and "curvacious" and "I just love my pregnant body- all I want to do is have sex all day long- oh the hormones!"---but really, I just felt fat. All I wanted was a healthy baby- and shortly there after, my skinny body back. After 9 months of low self esteem and gaining close to 60 lbs, I then had said wonderful baby- (who continues to be wonderful!)- the birth was a very traumatic experience. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say- even several months later, my husband I still have to fuck like turtles as we get going anytime we have sex. It's getting better.:) Sex in a post-baby body is very different then it was before or during pregnancy. While I am now a lot closer to my pre-baby body than I have been in a long time, there are still parts of me that are bigger and saggier than they were before. I have stretch marks. How I view myself has completely changed- I don't see myself as some cute little girl messing around- but I guess more of a woman. It's been a struggle the last year, but I'm starting to like my body again-- which makes me want to have sex more often. People say "you should be proud of what your body did- you created a person!"-- and that's true--but my sexual identity has completely changed. I have sort of a sexual-split personality...by day, I'm super mom taking care of my amazing kid...but by night- once she's asleep- I completely separate that side of myself and become this person who can address those other desires-- my relationship with my husband is stronger than before- we appreciate each other more and I can't imagine going through this life with anyone else but him-- we cling to each other. And I long for him. But I have to keep the "mom" out of the bedroom...it's the only way I can get to that other place...so for that hour or whatever- that side of me doesn't exist.

Gosh- this is really long-- think that about covers it.
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From:kapnkaty
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC)
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Maybe... - (Anonymous) - Expand
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From:atalantapendrag
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:46 pm (UTC)

I'd say it was TMI, but you did ask...

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I'm pansexual, but most of my relationships have been with men.

I've been in both polyamorous and monogamous relationships. Currently I have a girlfriend who is in a poly relationship... she has a husband and a serious boyfriend, and I see her and her boyfriend maybe every month, six weeks. It works out fine for me.

I was celibate (or perhaps autosexual would be the right word) for six years.

My main 'outlet' is the internet. I read and write smutty fanfic (mostly m/m) and roleplay graphic sex scenes (again, mostly m/m) that range from sweet and innocent to shockingly violent. I frequently peruse the /y/ (yaoi) board on 4chan, and when I am feeling jaded I hit up Gurochan. I have a good deal of both yaoi and guro porn on my hard drive. I also tend to be more sexually attracted to fictional characters than real people.

I don't really consider myself genderqueer, but I wish I could pull off male drag. There's not a binder in the world that could contain my boobs, though.

I'm sexually intruiged by transfolk, but have never been physically involved with one.

I really like vibrators. My pocket rocket is my favorite. I like other sex toys as well. I've experimented with anal toys partly to be able to write more realistic anal sex scenes. My girlfriend has a violet wand and if they were so damned expensive I'd get one for myself.

These days my favorite sex act is fisting women.

The medications I'm on make it almost impossible for me to orgasm.

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From:benchilada
Date:September 24th, 2009 08:59 am (UTC)

Re: I'd say it was TMI, but you did ask...

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I'm glad you've found a good sex life, no matter how complex the diagram may be. :)

Mmm...yaoi. Mind, I really enjoy mine with a good plot. :)

Fisting is something that doesn't bother me but literally does nothing for me, in my head, at least. I've never even attempted the act.
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From:iamangelachase
Date:September 23rd, 2009 07:50 pm (UTC)
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I am a female who's always been attracted to boys. Always. When I was five, the neighbor boy and I would get in trouble for kissing behind his bushes. However, I grew into a really shy adult who can get really uncomfortable around guys, particularly ones I don't know. I've been asked multiple times if I'm gay because sometimes I focus more on women than men in group situations.

Dark, curly hair gets me every time, especially if the guy has blue or gray eyes. Every time. I will blush. That made work uncomfortable at times because I'd have customers and delivery men that would come in weekly, sometimes daily, and I'd blush whenever I saw them. I also had a coworker that fit that description, and, well...that's a whole other situation. But with that, I find intelligence sexy. I've been attracted to guys who maybe weren't the best lookers, but they could hold their end of a conversation and be interesting. A sense of humor is also very important. And, well, piano players also do it for me for some reason. Must be the whole manual dexterity thing.

I've always thought I wasn't as girly as I could be, like I have an excess of testosterone. I despise all the girly crap society thinks we should go through to be considered pretty and don't wear makeup or nail polish or anything like that. Simple is the way to go. And apparently I'm decent-looking, as I once had virtually an entire room during a party tell me I was attractive and they'd do me. Uh, thanks, but no. That made me really uncomfortable.
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From:benchilada
Date:September 24th, 2009 09:01 am (UTC)
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Do you have any idea what turned you shy as the years went by? A gradual change on your own or societal pressures?

It's not an excess of testosterone that keeps you from liking girly things, it's just who you are. Embrace it, baby, and keep working-up those rooms full of people.

And how dare you stop talking about the co-worker thing right there with no
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From:radiumhead
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:14 pm (UTC)
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The thing I find interesting is all the straight women (in this thread, and real life)-who have either messed with girls, or find them attractive.

I've never heard a straight guy say "I'm a straight guy, but I think guys are hot."

From:the_tall_man
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC)
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*Cough*

Some of 'em are.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
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I identify as a hetero, but there is a short list of men I find handsome enough to be attracted to sexually.

I consider myself to be very unsexy but my wife disagrees (which is fine by me!)
I consider my wife to be sexy but online porn has been very good to me too.
I am turned on by big titties, very long hair, and smooth skin.

I have relatives who are gay and I've met their partners and think that they are great folks too. But, I have to keep thinking of it in my mind as they are "just really good friends" or else it begins to upset me.

I have friends who are trans-gender and they are still friends, but they make me uncomfortable. I talk to them about my feelings, and they accept my discomfort, but it makes them sad (me too, but it is really a struggle for me).

I have gay friends who are single and I find that less disturbing for some reason. I can almost understand bisexuality because it has been my experience that the folks I know who've identified as 'bisexual' really mean that they are heterosexual but would do it with one of their own sex under the right circumstances.

I try not to broadcast my feelings as judgment. What my friends and relations do in their life is what they do. It has not prevented me from liking them as friends (or loving them as relatives). I'm honest with myself about my feelings and -- if they ask -- with my friends too. But generally I keep it to myself because invariably somebody misunderstands.
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From:benchilada
Date:September 24th, 2009 09:04 am (UTC)
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Would you say that you are attracted to the men or truly sexually attracted to them?

Good for your wife!

I'm glad you can be so open about your opinions on homosexuality, but I'm curious what drives it. It doesn't sound like religion, so is it a personal morality or something about the physical act that flips a switch in your brain? It certainly seems like the latter, as you're better with single gay people than those in couples.
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From:seph_hunter
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC)
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I am a straight guy. Were I gay, I would fall into the "Bear" category. I enjoy sex with ladies but just the other day found myself thinking "Fuck that dude's hot". My first attempt at My First Time™ was aborted when the fellow art student I was having wild monkey sex with gave me, what is known in some circles as, a "Roman Shower". The girl I dated immediately after was into humiliation/bondage. We never actually "did it"

I finally lost my virginity to someone I cared deeply for in the ladies restroom at the Newport Music Hall.

My main turn-ons are eyes and head-shape. Don't ask.

I would happily go gay for Neil Patrick Harris.

But yes, aside from that I'm about as vanilla as they come... so to speak.

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From:lookforthewoman
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC)
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I would happily become a boy for Neil Patrick Harris!
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From:mangoflush
Date:September 23rd, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC)
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I enjoy pussy, first and foremost, but occasionally there's at least one dude I wouldn't mind fucking for the sake of fucking (though not fucked by, that doesn't turn me on).

Generally, I will gravitate towards the fairer sex, simply because it is far more common that I'd get along with them were we partners. That and I fucking love boobs, like you wouldn't believe. My god.

Holy actual FUCK does pussy taste amazing, though. Given the opportunity, I am all over that shit.

As for relationships, I haven't had enough to know whether or not monogamy or polygamy is better. I'm all for the idea of open relationships but it takes a LOT of trust and maturity to be able to pull it off.

Random trivia? Ok, the oldest person I've slept with was 36 (I was 18), the youngest was 17 (which is legal where I am, before you ask). As of now (at the age of 19.5), I've had a total of 7 sexual partners, only 2 of which I slept with more than twice. in total, I've only had sex about 15 times.

I don't really get laid that much. :/
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From:benchilada
Date:September 24th, 2009 09:08 am (UTC)
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Pussy is, indeed, a delight.

In regards to not being fucked by a guy, is it an intimacy/domination thing or does it just not sound enjoyable? Know where the prostate is? ;D

You've done the twice-your-age thing! :D

Also, you might be surprised how many people haven't had that much sex. You must remember that the ones who haven't had as much as others often stay quiet because they fear others will see them as prudish or weak or what have you.
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