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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "benjamin sTone" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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10:54 am
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The Robots Consume Food
The Robots--![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) fairyarmadillo and dr_beep--contributed to my So You Don't Have To project several months ago and I only ever posted the first part on my LJ.
Here are all three parts in their delight and glory.
Three words: durian candy, motherfuckers.
They so cool.
Goddamned friend them.
Smooches,
benjamin
Current Music: "Video Game Wizard" - John Farley
Tags: audience participation, fairyarmadillo, robots, so you don't have to
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07:47 am
[Link] | I love Nadja and Will Robot (aka fairyarmadillo and dr_beep ).
They did a So You Don't Have To!!!
Wheeeeeeee!!!
b
Tags: audience participation, so you don't have to
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07:15 am
[Link] | OMG FINALLY ANOTHER SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!
So, yeah...we've been a little slack lately. We make no apologies but will endeavor to do them more often in the future.
Also, please excuse that I only thank a few people in this one, as we accidentally mixed up the letters about what food came from whom. If we did one of yours and don't credit you, let me know and I'll edit the entry.
Okay, picture time.
schmidtybooger informed us that this is exactly how they were described in the bin they were found in at an Asian market.
Also, I enjoy pretending that the pig is saying "DINK!" because it would be funny to hear a real pig make that noise.
There's a reason this one was "unfortunately" not included in the tasting. I'm looking at YOU,interdisciple. I'm looking at you with eyes of distrust and shame.
This "SURPRISE! BUTTSECKS!" moment brought to you by plumeriandeity. Also, it's hilarious that she's totally gonna blush when she reads that sentence.
Man, I love a lot of stuff about this package. I love that it's got a fish-shaped window, I love that it uses, like, five fonts. I love that the background is a beautiful oceanscape covered by a fucking fisherman's net.
Sorry, I don't know where I was going with that.
They look like they're made of gold leaf. And I think I went to high school with a Kieler Sprotten. Worked at the Hardee's across the street from the elementary school.
Whether it's fish or candy, when in doubt, put it in a plastic tube. Indeed, "bolsa veliotas" translates as "we've put it in a tube for you."
Look, YOU figure out something funny to say about licorice olives and you can write these damn posts, okay?
Mmm! Potent fermented soybeans with the strong flavor of onion! Next stop, Limburger and Ass!
Happy fun sour-sour lemon time best for you fairyarmadillo plus magic husband dr_beep ?!
Enough pictures, watch these two videos.
Fair warning, the audio is rubbish anytime I open a package. Time for a new camera, what with the flash having shat itself while we were in D.C....
Who loves you?
Hint: It's benjamin, Your Internet Monkey King
Smooches,
b
Tags: food, lovely wife sara, so you don't have to
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08:05 am
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"Think non-vomity thoughts."
I would be jealous that thehefner has filthy assistants / sexy henchwomen (namely bitemetechie and darkestnova ), but I have Lovely Wife Sara, so, you know...I'm more than good.
Anyways, THEY DID A SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO...WITH A DURIAN SMOOTHIE.
In three acts.
And it's delightful.
If you don't watch it you hate bald eagles and pizza and apple pie and the flag and waterboarding.
I'm really both proud and angered. Proud that they took the SYDHT banner and ran with it, angered that I don't own that shirt.
I mean, not that shirt exactly. That's gross. Durian-sweat...
Also, I'm kinda jealous and wondering if any of the bubble-tea places in town secretly keep a small, emergency supply of durian around that they could make into a smoothie for me...
That having been said, I do have items laid out for a SYDHT to be filmed tonight. We'll try to make the time and set the mood for y'all.
Smooches, and congrats to the three intrepid tongue travellers,
b
Tags: audience participation, so you don't have to
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07:42 am
[Link] | wolfsilveroak submits this video of Max and Charlie trying Jersey Death Sauce solely for one reason: So You Don't Have To:
And today's two things from the 1949 edition of the Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English:
to roll in one's ivories -- to kiss
Roby Douglas -- the anus
Therefore, If you were to roll in Roby Douglas's ivories...you'd be kissing my butt-teeth.
Happy to be of service,
b
Tags: audience participation, so you don't have to
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12:11 pm
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SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO: Habushu and...maybe something else? Something awesome?
Oh dear, my children? Can it be that we've done something stupid...again?
Yes, for...WE'VE DONE SOMETHING SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!
Let's see what the beverage portion is, shall we?
This is habushu, which will be explained in the video.
 
As for the main food...well, blackcat2086 brought it to me frozen, for which I will always love her. Oh, and she brought it in person and is super cool and cute and I'll post a photo of her soon maybe unless I forget which I will. Anyway, I love meeting the internet.
Crap, YouTube is currently showing a freeze frame from the middle of the main video, which gives away what the item is.
With luck, that'll get updated soon.
The following episode is, as always, filmed by Lovely Wife Sara and guest stars city_of_dis , with icayrus and porpentine_4 intentionally hiding from view.
BRACE YOURSELVES FOR...UMM...
So, yep, we just conquered one of the Bar Standards for shitty food.
Here are some photos, after some scrolling fodder so it won't ruin the surprise if the YouTube preview image corrects itself.
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Seriously, a plastic bag not only didn't contain the smell, but it couldn't even contain the pointy fruit itself:
Yep, them's the insides right there. I left it outside of the garbage can, even, for fear of making IT smell bad.
Whatever shall we do next?
Well, we still have Surging Eel...
And we still have two new "Have To" ideas brewing.
Oh, and, like my grandfather, my regular features are slowly returning to being regular.
2009 will, indeed, be my bitch.
Oh, before you go, have a RIVETING my wife is a lush outtake video.
HILARIOUS TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES OR SOMETHING!
Now go home. Go home to your bloody gophers.
Love,
benjamin
Your Internet Monkey King
Current Music: BBC World Service Streaming Online
Tags: food, so you don't have to
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12:27 pm
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So You Don't Have To: Not-So-Fearsome-Foursome
So, yeah, mwissa was in town last weekend. Not only did I get Christmas Spirit shot all over my face, but I also got to do my most sedate So You Don't Have To to date with her as Special Guest Star.
We did four relatively innocuous foods, which I've found to be a good formula.
If you're doing something brutal, make it the only food. If you're doing things that may not be terrible, do a number of them.
I am pretty sure that the first three came from Finland via ekatarina, the Russian drink came from dana_pants.
FIRST:
"Real Potatochips. Right taste."
She told me that the larger bags were called "MEGAPUSSI".
NEXT:
Umm...yeah.
AND THEN:
Doesn't Chili Salmiakki sound like a Gotham City mob boss?
In any event, your weak-ass licorice is not enough for Batman.
YOU MUST ADD SOME CHILI POWDER.
FINALLY:
I would make a joke, but...
We went twenty seconds over the YouTube ten-minute mark, so it's split into two videos.
You know it's been a brutal morning when I can't even be arsed to put on a shirt that isn't the one I wore to a party from the previous night.
</lj-embed></lj>
Now go eat some Japp Megapussi.
Smooches,
b
Current Music: KCRW World News
Tags: so you don't have to
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10:05 am
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So You Don't Have To: DOUBLE FEATURE
TWO, that's right, TWO So You Don't Have To videos today!
The first is a fan film by the two adorable children of one of my co-workers.
Their names are Bella and Ender and they're awesome.
What they're eating is this:
It's an "Exquisite Snack!"
We suspect that it contains a few more ingredients than these. Perhaps "FLAVOR" is code for "A NUMBER OF OTHER INGREDIENTS THAT WE COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO LIST."
And now, ladies and gentlemen, making their Internet Moving Picture Debut...BELLA AND ENDER!
Seriously, did you melt a little during that one?
THEY ARE SO COOL AND DESERVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FROM YOU.
As for the next one, I didn't take a photo of the item, so here's a little teaser of what it is, found on the Flickr page of Joelk75.
(ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)
This was a candy unleashed upon my family by my brother Matthew.
What you are about to see is not a dramatization.
Yep.
It was Durian candy.
Life is good.
Smooches,
b
Current Location: break
Current Music: Alan Watt, my favorite mad Scottish conspiracy theorist
Tags: food, so you don't have to
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12:29 pm
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So You Don't Have To fanworks
I love you, my monkeys.
First, there was januarychill, and she did her own So You Don't Have To.
Then came passive_mission, and she ate something So You Don't Have To.
Now, the titantic team-up trio of g0dz17la , livenud , and mwissa have done something...
SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!
OBSERVE!
I'm seriously thinking of starting some sort of bizarre worldwide club.
We'll need t-shirts first.
In the mean time, here's a poster that carrot_khan made:
Y'all flatter your Internet Monkey King.
Smooches,
b
Tags: audience participation, food, friends, so you don't have to
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10:59 am
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SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO: Super Explodo Edition
So...fairyarmadillo and dr_beep were in C-U to visit us; they live in California but were in the Midwest for a wedding and drove A VERY LONG WAY just to see us. While they were in our home, the decision was made that we needed to eat a lot of crazy-ass shit.
Holy dick, did we ever...
Here's only a small part of the table beforehand:
My apologies in advance for not mentioning the names of of people who sent various items in here; we just started pulling tons of stuff out of the drawers where we keep it all and tossed everything on the table.
Also, sorry for any weird formatting; LJ was not a fan of this entry.
( THIS IS INSANE! THIRTY MINUTES!?!?!? )</div>
.........
Extra big smooches from Nadja, Will, and me, your Internet Monkey King.
b
Tags: food, so you don't have to
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11:06 am
[Link] | Why, doesn't this meal look delicous?!
There's no way that somebody would have to eat it So You Don't Have To...unless...
( TREACHERY! BASE TREACHERY! )
Tags: audience participation, drink, duosiceprincess, food, so you don't have to
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01:22 pm
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SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO: MICRO SUPPLEMENT ADDITION
Sometimes, ever so briefly, I think that I should know better by now. Then I realize that I have to do these things. Why?
SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
Okay, kids, this here is the counter at Empire Chinese Restaurant, a delightful little place in campustown at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.
They're delightful people. Very nice and the food they produce is excellent.
I love the first wall sign you see on your left when you walk in. It's very post-modern or something.
Wait, something seems amiss about that crispy whole fish photo.
Let's take a closer look, shall we?
Now, I could be imagining things, but the limes, avocado slices, and two Mexican beers make me think that they cribbed this shot from the wrong restaurant catalog.
Oh, right, yeah. The cactus, too.
Anyway, they've got a massive menu, but this day I was only interested in one thing.
See if you can guess.
No, much though I want to know what the hell they mean, it was not the "Fritters of Twinteed Dough."
No, I'm far too stupid to try that.
First time was gross.
Second time was not as bad but still...unpleasant.
And now?
What the hell, me?
What. The. Hell.
Thank heavens it was filmed.
So there you have it.
It seems that I learned a valuable lesson.
If you can figure out what it is, you go ahead and let me know, yes?
OH! And we're planning a Super-Explodo So You Don't Have To where I go through a bunch of the stuff that I've gotten...in rapid-fire format.
As always, I accept donations of WTFkery here:
benjamin sTone
712 S. Anderson
Urbana, IL
61801
Smooches,
b
Tags: so you don't have to
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12:29 pm
[Link] | I may still be slogging through back-entries to re-embed my photos, and there may be some photos that Flickr apparently lost when they deleted my fucking account, and so on, but I did go through and fix all of my So You Don't Have To entries...except for a few places where the photos are missing.
Why would I fix all of my SYDHT entries?
Tags: so you don't have to
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01:19 pm
[Link] | Hey, it can't be all bad after all!
I mean, look!
IT'S JUST BEER!!!
( What could possibly go wrong?! )
Tags: chuckdawg, his_hamstress, so you don't have to
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10:11 am
[Link] | OH, HAI, I BUYED A FOOD IN PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO.
( Great, what the shit is he eating this time? )
Tags: mexico, so you don't have to
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06:11 pm
[Link] | Still in Puerto Vallarta, and I have a full-length So You Don't Have To ready, but here's a delightfully tiny one for you!
Tags: mexico, so you don't have to
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12:44 pm
[Link] | Thank you, analogue_soul . Thank you.
But benjamin, it's soda, what could possibly...
Tags: so you don't have to
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05:09 pm
[Link] | Well, yet again I did something So You Don't Have To.
vox8 sent me...some...
And then city_of_dis --whose LJ is great, by the way--and I...we...
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD...
( If this isn't proof that I love you then the door's right over there, slugger... )
Tags: city_of_dis, so you don't have to
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02:31 pm
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Good lord, benjamin, people have been pointing out how you don't seem to know what YEAR THIS IS...
And to think that this Mystery Can isn't even the real feature of today's So You Don't Have To:
Oh, and I'd just like to ask, for the record:
WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?
I MEAN, DIDN'T I LEARN MY FUCKING LESSON LAST TIME?
Oh boy. Yet another product from the shelves of an Asian market that says "KEEP REFRIGERATED" but has probably never been any colder than room temperature.
At least these are sealed, and not just loosely covered in paper in a styrofoam box. I think that's a good thing. Is that a good thing? Oh god, somebody help me.
( Roll up your sleeves and prime your gag reflexes... )
Tags: food, jason, so you don't have to
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02:46 pm
[Link] | Not the best So You Don't Have to that I've ever done, but the consensus of my LJ readers is that they want to see all of them, even the ones that I feel might be a bit sub-par.
Anyway, sarahsam delivered the deliciousness that is...
( What, could they not afford one more line for that letter? )
Tags: food, so you don't have to
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